dailyplanit Daily PlanIt bluebutton Self-Esteem
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent"--Eleanor Roosevelt
The essence of self-esteem is to fully realize that we are loved simply because we are alive.

Actions to increase self-esteem:

  • Set realistic goals to accomplish
  • Focus on our strengths and developing them
  • Act as if we are self-confident
  • Stand tall
  • Learn how to handle stress
  • Use positive self-talk
  • Mentally imagine success
  • Develop supportive relationships
  • Be involved in activities in the community
  • Be aware of feelings and expressing them responsibly
  • Accept responsibility for our thoughts, feelings and actions
  • Concentrate on ways we can grow
Notes on "The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem" by Nathaniel Brandon:
The six pillars of self-esteem are the practices of
  1. living consciously
  2. self-acceptance
  3. self-responsibility
  4. self-assertiveness
  5. living purposefully
  6. personal integrity
We do not aquire self-esteem through our achievements, but through these internally generated practices that, among other things, make it possible for us to achieve. These six foundations of self-esteem are within the reach of anyone with the courage to choose them. To reach for self-esteem is a summons to the hero within us, a challenge to be fully alive. Without high self-esteem, we will be less effective and less creative than we have the power to be. Low self-esteem stunts our growth. There are two components of self-esteem: 1) self-respect--a sense of being worthy of happiness, the conviction of our own value. 2) competence--confidence in our ability to cope with the basic challenges of life.

Laziness is an enemy of self-esteem as self-esteem requires effort and work. The impulse to avoid discomfort is an enemy of self-esteem, as fears may need to be confronted, and  unresolved pain dealt with. You may be tempted to avoid conflict or pain in the short term, but in the long term this only hurts more. Problems do not go away when ignored. Just as it is necessary to exercise the body, we also need to exercise our minds to increase our strength. It takes strength to continue striving for your goals when there may not be immediate visible results. Work and self-discipline are required to achieve self-esteem, but the end result is well worth the effort.
Living consciously Our mind is our basic tool of survival and if it is betrayed, self-esteem suffers. The simplest form of this betrayal is the evasion of discomfiting facts. To live consciously is to seek knowledge and awareness and to act accordingly. To live consciously is to live responsibly toward reality. Facts are unchanged by feelings or denial. To live consciously is to choose to see, to think, to be aware both outwardly toward the world and inwardly in seeking to know our self.
Self-acceptance Without self-acceptance, self-esteem is impossible. To practice self-acceptance is to understand and feel the value in self that comes from being alive.  Acceptance does not mean complete approval or lack of desire for change or improvement, but openness to experience reality and seek truth. Denial is an ineffective effort to avoid pain. What is denied can't be corrected or changed. Acceptance of what is, is the precondition of change, and denial of what is leaves us stuck in it. Self-acceptance is a commitment to treat yourself with deserved respect and to stand up for yourself. It means choosing to be a friend to yourself, correcting yourself with love and understanding. Becoming aware of and accepting disowned parts of yourself is healing to self-esteem. The first steps of healing and growth are awareness and acceptance.
Self-responsibility Control over our own existence requires a willingness to take responsibility for our actions. To live with self-responsibility is to live with a productive purpose. We grow when we use our intelligence toward some useful end. To practice self-responsibility is to have an active orientation to life, to think for oneself.
Self-assertiveness To practice self-assertiveness is to express yourself appropriately. It is a willingness to be yourself, to stand up for yourself, and treat yourself with respect. It means not only having thoughts and dreams, values and aspirations, but acting on them. Needed is the conviction that your ideas and wants are important and the courage to fight for them.
Living purposefully To practice living purposefully is to choose to live productively. It involves setting and achieving goals. Mastering tasks adds to our competence. The experience of mastering new challenges is essential to the growth of self-esteem. Living purposefully requires that we cultivate the capacity for self-discipline, the ability to defer immediate gratification in the service of a future goal.
Personal integrity To practice living with personal integrity requires behavior that is congruent with your values and standards. When we betray our standards, we wound our self-esteem and lose respect for ourselves. Those wounds can only be healed by acting honorably. A moral life requires serious reflection, considered values chosen thoughtfully. Small choices of right and wrong can make a big impact. It is a challenge to hold to your standards while others may not. Moral decisions may not be easy. Integrity is a source of and an expression of self-esteem.


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